"Oh, dear me no Dick, call me Wolfie, and I love your cravat by the way." Mozart swivels boyishly in his chair and blinks his overlarge eyes. He is even more petite than Dick Caveat, though they bear a noticeable resemblance, like long-lost brothers.
"I would like to begin by asking you about Regina Coeli, which is being performed this season by the Bagaduce Chorale"
"A wonderful chorale and such a charming music director."
"Yes, isn't she. You do manage to keep up on things from the afterlife?"
"Oh absolutely, I am quite intrigued by hip hop in fact, it so reminds me of the scattalogical ditties I used to love to compose, such fun, don't you know!"
"Yes you were certainly prolific Wolfie, all those notes! Tell me, I have heard that some musicians feel that you might....how shall I say this...that you use far too many notes, that your compositions are like musical stream of consciousness, that you use more notes than any measure needs or wants....that...that...you are a show off!"
"Oh, but of course I am a show off and my music is all about showing off. Why, just listen to the soprano solo, it fairly shrieks at the audience "look at the amazing things I can do with my voice." You know, I was going to open a Twitter account, but I knew I would never be able to restrain myself to just 140 characters."
"Yes, I can see your point, but all those notes, that showing off as you call it, why do you need to use so many?"
Mozart laughs delightedly and his voice get even higher pitched if that is possible."Well of course Bach also used far too many notes, but he was a mathematician, not an artist. Are you shocked Dick? Good! Have you read Godell, Escher, Bach? A fascinating book that Bach admires greatly. Even though Bach uses as many notes as me (sometimes many more) he was doing math all the time, just subdividing phrases over and over. It's quite the mathematical trick, don't you know?"
"And you, why are your phrases different than Bach's?"
"Why, I give my phrases different voices, I give them colors, yes, I paint with phrases, sometimes pointillist, sometimes big running washes of fingerpaint, some are me wilding chasing my darling Constanze around the dining table, or embracing in a tender kiss, sometimes in measures side-by-side."
"Well, not being a musician myself, I wonder how musicians can tell what voice a phrase is written in. Is it dynamics, is it tempo?"
"Oh, it's that of course but it is also the notes themselves, each note's relations to the notes around them, just like people. Maybe it's a step-step-step-step up and down phrase, maybe it hops and skips up and down, a third a fith, a third, a fifth. You know Dick, some combinations of notes are more affectionate than others." Wolfie smiles slyly and batts his big eyes. "Bach's notes don't have the human relationships that my notes have with each other, oh yes, my notes are tangled in love, in love triangles, in trysts, in tragedy, in trust, in trials, in triumphs, and, oh, just the general joy of love."
"That alliteration was like one of your big running washes of fingergpaint. But it's remarkable, I had no idea notes could do that. I always sort of thought of them as numbers...You know Wolfie, nowadays there are all kinds of Bach Festivals but not so many Mozart festivals...."
"Oh, Dickie, you really are trying to provoke me aren't you! But you know why that is don't you? Bach's music keeps people calm, it motors along in...what would a mathematician say...it motors along on a linear (and rather dull) emotional plane. While my music, it stirs the blood, it excites the listener, it boils the emotions!"
"Boils the emotions, well you heard it here first on the Dick Caveat Show. Mozart's music boils the emotions! Wolfie, it has been an absolute pleasure to chat with you, I'm so glad you were able to make it down here."
"Oh, Dick, really, it has been my absolute pleasure. By the way, tell the Bagaduce Chorale when the sing Regina Coeli, they should be filled with that all-consuming joy of love. One moment they will be chasing their lover around the table, the next tenderly embracing, then playing with their child, or tickling a puppy...it's all love and giggles."
"Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, still going strong, still as mischievious as ever. I'm Dick Caveat...until next time"